Because what I did isn't exactly something I can easily forgive myself for.

[ Finally he does meet her gaze, though, even if he's not entirely sure he'll be able to hide his emotions well this way. Not that he's been able to manage it completely either way, so far. ]

We can try and predict what they're going to do next, we can see if there are any patterns in their behaviour, but regardless, what they do is never our fault nor our responsibility.

[ Which may seem like a contradiction, based on what he's saying about his own actions... ]