[ The sound of her voice makes him quickly get up from the armchair he'd been sitting in, first to go and turn off the gramophone, and then so that he can turn and face her. ]
[ For now, he does nothing other than go and make himself comfortable in the same armchair he'd occupied earlier, watching her and waiting for her to begin. ]
[Sheena takes a seat near him and gives him a sincere look before beginning.]
First, I want to be sure that you know I don't hold any type of grudge against you for what happened. Some things are a little fuzzy, but I know you did what you had to do to save others.
And I wouldn't want it any other way.
[her voice is stern and convincing--something hard to achieve with the written word.]
[ The first impulse that Barnaby has is to protest, but he knows that it won't do him much good. It hadn't earlier, either. But he's still not okay with being able to kill anyone on any level. Delivering justice is completely different to this feeling, and he doesn't know how he's supposed to react to it. ]
... Before now, I'd never killed anyone before.
[ The statement comes out before he can stop it. ]
I'm a defender of the people. Taking lives isn't anything I ever imagined myself doing, even if it is for the greater good.
[Sheena's eyes widen slightly. Coming from a world where killing someone is a real possibility every time a person left their home, she had never thought other worlds weren't like that.
For a long time, she's silent as she takes this in before responding.]
I see. I really am so sorry for putting you through that.
From what I understand, there is a very large possibility it would have happened here sooner or later. I don't blame you in any way. I suppose this is COMPASS's way of forcing me to face my fears.
I've been a victim of COMPASS for a long time now; I should have seen this coming and done something about it. [What she could have done then, she doesn't know, but she should have at least been given the chance to warn him...]
This has nothing to do with facing fears. This has everything to do with COMPASS playing whatever games they want to play with us. They're not helping us; they're tormenting us for kicks!
[There's real anger in her voice, but she's not at a breaking point-- YET.]
It isn't your place to apologise for something that was out of your control.
[ If anyone should be apologising here, it was their captors. But Barnaby isn't naive - he knows that there's no way any of them are going to get an apology from people like that. So there's no point in saying it, even if he hopes that she won't take the burden upon herself, or think that it's her fault. ]
They may be playing games with us, but it isn't something that we can predict. We only know that, based on their past behaviour, they will continue to act in this way, not what they will do. How were you to know that they may try and do something like that?
There is nothing anyone could have done to prevent this.
[ Which makes him feel all the more powerless, but he doesn't say as much. ]
[She looks at him for a long moment, before leaning closer and watching him, wanting him to look her in the eye.]
Then why are you doing it?
[Her tone is soft and not accusing. They had both been doing the same thing: apologizing for things they had no choice in. However, she knows herself and while she may not say it aloud, she'll never stop thinking that there had to be something she should have noticed and stopped to be able to prevent the suffering of not only the man in front of her, but others as well.]
They are playing games. And using us for experiments. [She sighs.] And we may not know exactly what they'll do, but that shouldn't stop us from trying to figure out all possibilities.
[And that's what's bugging her. They weren't given enough time to get any information, and probably never will be.]
Because what I did isn't exactly something I can easily forgive myself for.
[ Finally he does meet her gaze, though, even if he's not entirely sure he'll be able to hide his emotions well this way. Not that he's been able to manage it completely either way, so far. ]
We can try and predict what they're going to do next, we can see if there are any patterns in their behaviour, but regardless, what they do is never our fault nor our responsibility.
[ Which may seem like a contradiction, based on what he's saying about his own actions... ]
[And that's exactly how Sheena takes his words: as a contradiction. She's ready to yell at him when she sees what he's been trying to hide from her in his gaze.
He's in pain, and the last thing he needs is for her to add to his suffering, but she doesn't know what she can do to alleviate it without telling him over and over that she forgives him. Then an idea occurs to her. She's a believer in actions speaking louder than words, so maybe if she shows him?]
Barnaby...
[She begins speaking as she moves to in front of him, giving the appearance that she's going to be even more direct with him. And in a way, she truly is, as without anything else being said, she wraps her arms about him to pull him into a hug. She's only done this with animals and children, and maybe a certain blond Chosen from Sylvarant, so it's a bit awkward on her part.
[ It may be awkward to some extent, but even Barnaby can appreciate the value of physical comfort. He’s starting to learn that it’s not something to be so ashamed of. It had helped Ivan when he’d needed someone, and in turn it had helped Barnaby too.
Now wasn’t really that different. He was prone to seeking it out in times of desperation; this likely counted as one of those times. Not that the hug was expected, given that he’d thought himself in for a scolding, so the change of pace wasn’t something he’d anticipated.
For a few moments he didn’t seem sure how to react to her at all, but in the end he found himself returning the embrace. Normally he wouldn’t, but there were some moments where people simply needed some comfort. It had been like this when Kotetsu had come back from the dead, and with Ivan when he was hurting. Now it was Barnaby that needed it. ]
[The longer he takes to respond, the more Sheena thinks hugging him had been a mistake. After all, they barely know each other, and she's not used to doing things like this with adults, so perhaps she had misread the situation and should have continued berating him.
No. Something deep inside her tells her that would have been the wrong thing to do. This man had been forced to go against his principles here, give in to one of his fears. Words--no matter how loudly spoken--aren't going to help him through this. A physical touch, the supreme display of acceptance and assistance is what's needed.
Still, she's on the verge of releasing him and apologizing for her actions when he finally accepts and returns the hug. This is what he had needed--what they both had needed, although she hasn't quite realized it yet--and the young ninja remains were she is, unknowingly starting a gentle rocking the longer they hold each other.
Wishing she could do more to ease his pain, she holds him tighter and places one hand on his head, lightly running her hand over his hair in a soothing manner.]
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[Then there's the whole dying-and-coming-back thing.]
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It's not only those who have been here for a while. Some of things I saw on the Charon...
[She still has nightmares about.]
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I apologise for bringing it up.
[ He's doing a lot of apologising right now. ]
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Barnaby, where are you right now?
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[ Why? Because it has classical music, and he needed a change of scenery. ]
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[ It's probably too late for that. ]
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Yes, I do.
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Why?
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You didn't have to turn that off; the music is pretty.
[She approaches him.]
But I did have to come here. And talk to you face-to-face.
[And prove that everything was all right between them. Among other things...]
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[ If she really didn't mind, he'd be happy to put it back on later, but for the moment this took precedence. ]
I see... [ He pauses. ] What would you like to discuss?
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Maybe it would be...
[She gestures towards the chair.]
It might also be easier to talk if we sit down, so have a seat.
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[ For now, he does nothing other than go and make himself comfortable in the same armchair he'd occupied earlier, watching her and waiting for her to begin. ]
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[Sheena takes a seat near him and gives him a sincere look before beginning.]
First, I want to be sure that you know I don't hold any type of grudge against you for what happened. Some things are a little fuzzy, but I know you did what you had to do to save others.
And I wouldn't want it any other way.
[her voice is stern and convincing--something hard to achieve with the written word.]
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... Before now, I'd never killed anyone before.
[ The statement comes out before he can stop it. ]
I'm a defender of the people. Taking lives isn't anything I ever imagined myself doing, even if it is for the greater good.
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For a long time, she's silent as she takes this in before responding.]
I see. I really am so sorry for putting you through that.
[And oh, how she wishes she can take it back.]
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[ He shakes his head. ]
From what I understand, there is a very large possibility it would have happened here sooner or later. I don't blame you in any way. I suppose this is COMPASS's way of forcing me to face my fears.
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[She sighs.]
I've been a victim of COMPASS for a long time now; I should have seen this coming and done something about it. [What she could have done then, she doesn't know, but she should have at least been given the chance to warn him...]
This has nothing to do with facing fears. This has everything to do with COMPASS playing whatever games they want to play with us. They're not helping us; they're tormenting us for kicks!
[There's real anger in her voice, but she's not at a breaking point-- YET.]
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[ If anyone should be apologising here, it was their captors. But Barnaby isn't naive - he knows that there's no way any of them are going to get an apology from people like that. So there's no point in saying it, even if he hopes that she won't take the burden upon herself, or think that it's her fault. ]
They may be playing games with us, but it isn't something that we can predict. We only know that, based on their past behaviour, they will continue to act in this way, not what they will do. How were you to know that they may try and do something like that?
There is nothing anyone could have done to prevent this.
[ Which makes him feel all the more powerless, but he doesn't say as much. ]
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Then why are you doing it?
[Her tone is soft and not accusing. They had both been doing the same thing: apologizing for things they had no choice in. However, she knows herself and while she may not say it aloud, she'll never stop thinking that there had to be something she should have noticed and stopped to be able to prevent the suffering of not only the man in front of her, but others as well.]
They are playing games. And using us for experiments. [She sighs.] And we may not know exactly what they'll do, but that shouldn't stop us from trying to figure out all possibilities.
[And that's what's bugging her. They weren't given enough time to get any information, and probably never will be.]
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[ Finally he does meet her gaze, though, even if he's not entirely sure he'll be able to hide his emotions well this way. Not that he's been able to manage it completely either way, so far. ]
We can try and predict what they're going to do next, we can see if there are any patterns in their behaviour, but regardless, what they do is never our fault nor our responsibility.
[ Which may seem like a contradiction, based on what he's saying about his own actions... ]
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He's in pain, and the last thing he needs is for her to add to his suffering, but she doesn't know what she can do to alleviate it without telling him over and over that she forgives him. Then an idea occurs to her. She's a believer in actions speaking louder than words, so maybe if she shows him?]
Barnaby...
[She begins speaking as she moves to in front of him, giving the appearance that she's going to be even more direct with him. And in a way, she truly is, as without anything else being said, she wraps her arms about him to pull him into a hug. She's only done this with animals and children, and maybe a certain blond Chosen from Sylvarant, so it's a bit awkward on her part.
But that doesn't make it any less sincere.]
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Now wasn’t really that different. He was prone to seeking it out in times of desperation; this likely counted as one of those times. Not that the hug was expected, given that he’d thought himself in for a scolding, so the change of pace wasn’t something he’d anticipated.
For a few moments he didn’t seem sure how to react to her at all, but in the end he found himself returning the embrace. Normally he wouldn’t, but there were some moments where people simply needed some comfort. It had been like this when Kotetsu had come back from the dead, and with Ivan when he was hurting. Now it was Barnaby that needed it. ]
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No. Something deep inside her tells her that would have been the wrong thing to do. This man had been forced to go against his principles here, give in to one of his fears. Words--no matter how loudly spoken--aren't going to help him through this. A physical touch, the supreme display of acceptance and assistance is what's needed.
Still, she's on the verge of releasing him and apologizing for her actions when he finally accepts and returns the hug. This is what he had needed--what they both had needed, although she hasn't quite realized it yet--and the young ninja remains were she is, unknowingly starting a gentle rocking the longer they hold each other.
Wishing she could do more to ease his pain, she holds him tighter and places one hand on his head, lightly running her hand over his hair in a soothing manner.]
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